I've been thinking lately about something painfully honest. It's something I've struggled with for a while now and that is: why can I not appreciate present moment(s) completely until it's gone? Often I find myself doing something, or being somewhere and then weeks later i'll yearn for that moment back because I feel like I wasn't "there" enough. It's extremely infuriating.
Exhibit a) Last week I spent four lovely days on the Gold Coast at The Baby Summit. I spent these days absorbing information from some of my very favourite photographers in the World. Everything I wanted it to be and, of course, more than that. Yet, upon reflection, after the whirlwind died down, I am left feeling I was only 97% there. And that's not good enough for me, I want 100%.
Determined to understand why I felt this way I thought I would begin with thinking of a moment in which I felt 100% present. Embarrassingly enough it took me a little while. I arrived at the thought of day 3 on the Gold Coast. A group of us got up at 6am to observe Anya Ponti photograph a sunrise session. And I swear to God, watching a sunrise wake up the world does something to your very core. I thought a little harder about this moment and why I felt "more present." Predictably I realised: my phone was away, not in my hands, and the world wasn't even awake yet so I had little time to think about whether someone had emailed, whether someone needed something from me or whether I should refresh some form of social media.
Bam. There's my problem. I'm not the first person to tell myself: I struggle with focus (and for good reason) There are so, so many positives to running your own creative business. I could talk about them until the sun sets and rises again thirty times over. This conference highlighted them. Yet there is one stark downside. One that needs to be worked on and put to bed. It's this constant distraction of checking emails, page notifications, Instagram comments, ensuring clients are satisfied, lodging and checking orders etc etc etc. It's no wonder my mind is in thirty different places. I absolutely live and breath what am I doing: yet that is the problem. The line between working and not working is so blurred for me at the moment that I can't focus on what I am doing in any single moment. That needs to change, not only myself, but to assist my business in it's growth.
During the conference, I couldn't help but set myself many goals. I was a ball of motivation, practically bouncing off the walls of the showroom on that last day. I wanted to do all of them, all at once, right that very moment. When I got home and got thinking, I rewrote the list. I ordered it. I breathed in and out and I structured it. I shuffled things around until at the very top was a core goal: focus on one thing at a time. Whether that be uploading a gallery or sitting by the fire and drinking a tea. Goodbye multitasking. Goodbye Katherine who likes to attempt to do four things at any one time. That is (will be) a thing of the past.
If I'm getting up at 6am to watch the sunrise, I'm getting up at 6 to watch the sunrise. Not watch the sunrise, reply to an email and ensure my prints are on their way. That can wait til 7am. Nothing makes me feel more uneasy than the thought of never enjoying or producing something to it's full capacity. To me that is a waste.
So heres to making an active change. Maybe you can relate to this on some level and join me. Focus on one thing at a time. Step by step. Get it done.
Happy Monday xo